I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
