you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
