I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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