Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
