Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
