my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
