hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
