im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
