I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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