they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
