Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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