Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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