I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
