if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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