there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
