I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's blow job season.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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