Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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