upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
