The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Randomize
