I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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