Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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