Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
