Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
