I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
