I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there is glitter all over my balls
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