I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Terrible idea I love it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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