I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
