if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
