omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
