Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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