just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
