You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
