I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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