Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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