hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
