a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
