i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
