Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
