took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
