OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
