Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
