Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
