Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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