Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
