I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
