so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
