I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
