i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
