I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
