Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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