Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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