It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
